Sex tips: Oh-so-stupid things men must stop saying, even if women don't call them out

We have compiled a list of the most common turn offs and instant unmatch triggers! Most of these things remain unsaid as the women feel it wouldn’t serve any purpose and the men remain blissfully ignorant

stupid things men say

Online dating apps are riddled with profiles of resentful men who claim the app doesn’t work for them. Their dating profiles are less about their personality or preferences, and more about their list of grievances against women who have unmatched, blocked or ghosted them. Of course, they claim that the grapes are sour because they are clueless why women don’t choose to date them.

Having spoken to many women in their late 20s, 30s and early 40s, I have compiled a list of the most common turn offs and instant unmatch triggers! Most of these things remain unsaid as the women feel it wouldn’t serve any purpose and the men remain blissfully ignorant. Whether someone might be able to clue them in on what they are doing wrong or not, we can certainly marvel at the oddities women have to endure repeatedly! 

Also read: Sex column: Does alcohol help lubricate your sex life because of lowered inhibitions?

1. “You are not like other girls!”

If this is an attempt at flattery, it most certainly fails right off the bat! It is like telling an interviewer in the fourth round that he is better than his colleagues in the previous rounds. I doubt whether anyone can be off to a good start when one insults a fellow human. And in this case, it is almost half the population being insulted. Not going to land the job or in this case, the girl! Not with that attitude.

If you think other girls are silly or talk about things that are not intelligent, have you stopped to think about what you are saying to them? Probably they are dumbing it down for you! Or, are you speaking to the right demographic? Sugar babies will laugh and talk about clothes and make-up and so on...

And while we are at unflattering remarks.

“How come someone like you is still single?” is a back-handed compliment at best and there are better options than that!

2. “I am married but what difference does that make? Are you here to get married?”

Why would a single woman settle for a guy like you who is available only when he can get away from his wife for a quickie? You really think she’d give up dating any single guy who is funny and smart and successful and available to her any time they wish to meet for a few hurried phone calls here and there? For you to fix up a meeting or a hurried getaway? And be content or grateful for some dinner and sex when you are travelling for work?

Think about what’s in it for her when you are offering yourself as a prize catch. 

If you are Married But Available (MBA)...

She could be Single But Unavailable (SBU) to you! Not because she wants to get married but because she can do better!

sex story for men

Also read: Sex column: 5 stupid beliefs about women and sex that have got to go

3. “I am very particular about personal hygiene”

This is code for “I prefer bareback,” or “I won’t use a condom.” Some men try to offer a reason like latex allergy for not wanting to use protection little realising that not all condoms are made of latex. Some claim that condoms make them lose their erection. As comprehensive sex education is sorely lacking in our country, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. 

But, it is still shocking that sexually active men with multiple partners actually think that a condom is not needed if a woman is on the pill because they are only concerned about preventing pregnancy. 

Ever heard of STIs, my friend? 

Once and for all:

Condoms protect against many sexually transmitted infections and no you can’t wash it away with soap and water. So maintaining basic hygiene is the decent and civilised thing to do, but it is not a guarantee against disease!

4. “Are you too picky?”

It is not just married men who feel women are picky. And it is always a one-way street! Guys who have no qualms telling you about their preference for a well-endowed woman are quick to take offence if a woman states that she likes tall guys. Try telling a smoker you are not interested in passive smoking and their idea of dealing with it is to tell you that you won’t even notice it because they will pop a mint before kissing you. Try telling a guy that you are a teetotaller and he will find a million ways to get you to drink and try joking about how they can’t take advantage of you till they get you drunk! Creepy much?

The woman is an adult for crying out loud! She can take her own decisions and it is called freedom of choice!

Also read: Sex column: Tips to last longer and stay stronger

5. “I am looking to get married eventually but not through Tinder”

An alternative to this is “I am looking for something meaningful.” The unsaid part here is: just not with you. It is like a woman on Tinder is somehow tainted as opposed to a sainted one on a matrimonial app. Women who see men on both apps talk about how having matched on a dating app, they refuse to accept their requests on matrimonial apps. 

FYI, being on multiple apps is not a superpower.

You may be choosing from the same pool of women, the app is just incidental. If you can be on more than one, so can the women!

6. “I don’t judge anyone and don’t expect to be judged either!”

“I don’t judge anyone,” is a popular theme. Way more popular than being a sapiosexual or a travel freak. It would be a laudable sentiment if it meant one is going to see people for who they are before forming an opinion based on some prejudice or bias. However, what it typically means is “I deserve brownie points for revealing all the bad things I have done in life like cheating or abusing someone.”

By that logic, every criminal can expect society to condone them for admitting their crime! Every adult, and that includes women, has a right to gauge and decide for themselves. Why expect women to turn a blind eye towards the laundry list of evils that you have compiled and dumped on them at the outset?

Do you really not see the irony in accusing a woman of being judgemental just ‘coz they don’t see things your way? 

7. “I am  only looking for some action because of my high libido”

Why match with a smart, fun, witty woman if you want to be treated like a piece of meat? The sad part is it doesn’t end at that. Most men who make a crude proposition immediately after matching, have a take it or leave it attitude. They feel entitled to your reply and also mention that they don’t want to waste time. 

If you point out that you are interested in men who bring more to the table than just sex even if it is a casual sex, then they try to justify their actions by telling her that all the men on dating apps are only looking for sex with anybody and everybody. 

How to tell a guy that you have more faith in their fellow man than they do?

Especially a guy who would never stop to consider that she may have options that involve great casual sex with a guy who is a better endowed, better behaved and certainly a better lover and human!

Also read: Sex tip: Do people seek sex outside marriage when they are not happy with their spouse?

8. “ I am not like other guys!"

"I am not a stalker. I am respectful of women." If you have to say that then you probably are exactly like the guys who you are trying to prove you are not like because men who are respectful don't have to say it. It is apparent in their behaviour. Similarly, it is the so-called gentlemen or woke guys who are usually the worst. They are so up on their high horse of political or religious or moral correctness that they run down any view that doesn’t match theirs. 

How woke is it to diss a woman just because she disagrees with you?

Just like those who profess to be fluent in sarcasm and by that they mean they are only good at dishing it out!

9. "How long since you have been single?"

This begs the question, why are you interested in doing a Ph.D on the exact nature of someone’s singledom? No prizes for guessing the answer. What you really want to know is how long since she had sex. 

How will questions like how long since her last date or how many years since her divorce help you figure that out? You are not being sneaky enough genius, women know what you are trying to get at but more importantly, how does it help you? 

Will her level of desperation or horniness or length of abstinence give you any indication of how likely she is to have sex with you? It doesn’t.

I would have left it as a rhetorical question, but if a guy was that smart, then he wouldn't ask it in the first place!

Also read: Sex in the time of Covid: Keep it virtual and carry on

10.  "I have antibodies"

Yup I have saved the best for the last. Conspiracy theorists who claim that Covid-19 is a hoax or that it isn’t as bad, or those who offer “scientific” theories like they got infected once so they have the antibodies. This needs to be said again and again that anyone can contract Covid-19 and also get re-infected. Yes, even those who are vaccinated! 

Covidiots leave no opportunity to display their prowess and scientific superiority!

But, the best part about online dating is the speed at which you can weed them out without actually getting close to them.

Thanks to Insulting someone’s intelligence is not the quickest way to ingratiate yourself to them. 

Instant Unmatch Triggers

* Dick Pics

* Unsolicited Advice

* Cribbing about Ex/Previous Matches

* Pressure to Meet/Commit to Sex

* Irresponsible Covid Behaviour

* Political/Religious Rants

* Unloading Emotional Baggage

If you are Married But Available (MBA)...

She could be Single But Unavailable (SBU) to you! Not because she wants to get married but because she can do better!


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