A modern day romance doesn’t usually begin with, “Once upon a time,” or end in “happily ever after.” However, that doesn’t mean it isn’t fun or fulfilling.
Somewhere between, “They met on Tinder,” till “They decided to remain just friends,” there may be an interesting story or (mis)adventure that could be a tale you tell the grandkids, or not!
Add alcohol to the mix and the stories get more colourful. But not all of them go the way you would expect. The popular perception about drinking and dating is that the alcohol helps lubricate one’s sex life because of lowered inhibitions.
Is there any truth to this? Is consent more freely given under the influence?
Here are four sexcapades of real women* who had been tipsy or totally wasted and one who was totally sober!
Jyoti had been dating Sameer for a while but it was difficult for her to be intimate with anyone because some someone had raped her as a child and she was afraid of sex for years.
Even though she knew she liked Sameer and wanted to hook up, she would instinctively recoil and was unable to go through the act. As she was in her mid-thirties, Jyoti often wondered whether she was normal and wanted to know what it felt like to be in a sexual relationship.
She knew that she might never be able to consummate their relationship when she was in control of her senses, so she decided to get drunk and just do it. When she got drunk, she discovered that her reflexes were not as sharp and her fears took a backseat.
“The first time I was completely sloshed and couldn’t recall what happened the next morning. It was a DDLJ moment for me. I can now relate to that scene where Kajol wakes up in the morning wondering what happened. But, after the first few times, I felt there was a difference. I wasn’t repelled by him or moving away and it was easier to accept that I was fine as nothing bad had happened,” she added.
While Jyoti felt that she needed liquid courage, she only agreed to it because she trusted her partner. Had it been anybody else, she knows she wouldn’t have gone ahead. Someone did hit on her when she was high and she was able to repel their advances but she admits that she needed her boyfriend to rescue her, not in filmy style, but just to come to her aid as she stepped away.
Research shows that it is difficult to ward off sexual advances when drunk, making women more vulnerable to sexual assault. Jyoti was lucky that Sameer had found her in time.
Sober vs drunk
Anna always felt awkward when she was sober and when she was in her teens or early 20s she thought that alcohol helped her connect better with her peers because she loosened up more and became more outgoing and enjoyed the attention that came with it.
In the decade that followed, Anna’s relationship with alcohol has changed. Now she knows that when she is mildly tipsy, she might actually be able to draw firm boundaries or tell it like it is, which she may not be able to do when she is sober.
She shared what happened the last time she got drunk and hooked up. “I was done with job interviews after grad school and I needed to get cut loose and party. I was with my boyfriend at the time and had blacked out. I had no recollection the next morning and when I asked my boyfriend how it was, he said it was like you were not really there. Looking back, I feel that he didn’t really enjoy it and was uncomfortable with the whole episode even though it was consensual.”Anna felt bad because she wanted to be there in the moment and enjoy it with her boyfriend.
Archana didn’t really need alcohol to lower her inhibitions. After having been married for 15 odd years and then getting divorced, she was more than ready to mingle. Going out on drinking dates helped her relax and converse freely. Although she was comfortable with sex, she feels that being relaxed helped her get over any hesitation she might have had with experimenting.
With each date, she was always aware of what she was agreeing to do and able to recall what happened for the most part. Apart from not being able to remember bits and pieces, there were a couple of incidents that made her want to keep her drinking in check. Like the time when she didn’t know how she landed up at her date’s house.
Archana didn’t come to any harm because she has only been with men she was attracted to and who were attracted to her, so there was no desperation to have sex.
Despite that, there was an unpleasant incident, she revealed.
“I had one drink too many and went to the guy’s house even though it was our first date and it was a disaster. I thought we would be hooking up but unfortunately, the guy was impotent. Even though it was completely awkward to remain there after discovering this, I had to spend the night there because I was too drunk to leave. These incidents showed me that I need to moderate how much I drink!”
High on life!
After exchanging numbers, Krish and Indu decided to meet that very day. “I’d like to drink, dance and misbehave,” said Krish. Indu agreed, except for the drink part because she was a teetotaller.
That stumped him for a moment but he decided to meet her anyway. They had a blast as she grooved to his awesome dance moves. After a while, he tempted her with some wine but she refused.
Indu had been on multiple dates where men tried to get her to drink. One went so far as to think out loud about how to get her to bed if she wouldn’t drink. “The assumption that I would sleep with him only when I was drunk was, frankly, more insulting to him than me, so I let it slide. But, this trying to get me to taste something is a big pain. A guy I went out with ordered a drink worth ten grand thinking it would impress me,” she said rolling her eyes.
Not all guys turned out like that and when Krish found out that he couldn’t change her mind, he also decided to skip drinking because he didn’t want to drink alone.
They had a blast dancing and errr misbehaving and that was a good enough ending!
High and horny
Ruchira likes to work hard and party harder. Though she has always been in complete control of her senses after drinking, she does feel that it is easier to have sex when she is high.
Earlier she used to meet guys over a drink and feels that it did help while meeting men through dating apps because there is only so much you can talk about on a coffee date.
In her mid-thirties, Ruchira knows what she wants and has observed that men tend to judge women who drink and get laid on the first date. She would still recommend going drinking when one wants to explore dating and have fun (not necessarily sex) but not when you are looking for something long-term.
“In a pre-Covid world, when I was seriously attracted to a guy and wanted more than a date or two, I would go easy on the drinks. But, when I am looking for some fun or not looking to have a relationship with them, I would drink more and whether I hooked up after or not, it didn’t matter much,” she added.
My Two Pegs
If you want to hook up, sext or make a booty call, if it is with someone willing, responsive and conscious about what is going on, then you would want them sober or at least not so drunk that they don’t remember what transpired!