Stairway to Heaven

Is most probably not on the fast track lane


In the unisex toilet of an advertising agency, I could very clearly make out the sounds of a girl stifling the sounds of pleasure she was providing herself. Probably taking a cue from one of my articles (how I flatter myself sometimes!). I didn’t mean to pry, but I knew precisely who the girl was because I could see she had kicked off her heels, and Carlton wouldn’t be Carlton if he didn’t pay attention to a girl’s shoes.

When I found the lady in question in the smoking bay soon after, I couldn’t help but prod a bit. Turns out madame was finishing off what her boyfriend had started with her, but finished off by himself. The ‘quickie’ had, as so often is the case, little to do with the woman, and everything to do with the guy. Thus it came to be that ‘slow sex’ became a research obsession, but not before I shared a few tips in exchange for bite marks with the lady in question.

A recent survey on a mix of hetrosexual males and females revealed some curious leanings in both sexes. Merely half of those surveyed wished for a mix of fast and slow sex. While 20 per cent of men wanted it fast; surprisingly 31.7 per cent women agreed with them. But here’s where the survey goes completely bonkers: those who desired slower sex reported to be less satisfied in their sexual relationship. To me, that looks like a lot of people are having fast sex. Those who like it slow are definitely not getting what they want. You don’t need to be Carlton, or even Einstein, to figure out what to do under the circumstances. Just do both. Since everyone seems to know how to hump like bunnies, let Carlton teach you the tricks to tantalise like a tortoise. Er… something like that.

Research suggests that men have intercourse through two minutes of active thrusting while women take an average of fourteen minutes. That’s a difference of twelve minutes that our Taoist and Tantric forefathers tried to bridge through techniques that strengthen and stifle the escape of blood from the sex shaft.

The frenulum near the head of the penis is the most sensitive spot on it. This combined with the motion of deep thrusts is a double decker meat sandwich of male sensation. In isolating them you can double whatever little time is your average figure in a purely mathematical sense. While the insides of a woman’s vagina zone might have a concentration of sensitivity at the hallowed twin of G-spot and clitoris, almost all of it is a trapdoor of sexual ecstasy. So thrust shallow before going jackhammer, and keep alternating. Alternating positions makes it easier to pace yourself while monotony only leads to acceleration.

Another thing that will work wonders if you are close to hitting crescendo is to just slide inside and stay while spooning together. It is intimate, and allows you to pace yourself. With the right amount of lubrication, this is the equivalent of the slow climb to the hurtling descent of a roller-coaster. Everything slows down and sensations are heightened. The silence is punctured by no more than your frantic breathing and you can use your hands and lips to milk her closer to climax. Not only does stemming the surge keep you going longer, keep her more satisfied, but also squeezes out a more prolonged and explosive orgasm for you, when you eventually do come.

Oh. And never forget—copious amounts of foreplay.

Staring at the ceiling on an empty stomach and vanquished pipes, I have contemplated the incomprehensible distinction between the time that it takes for the two sexes to orgasm. Why would nature, in her near perfect evolutionary design, format this difference? The answer is nearly as simple as the question. In the gambit of gene progression, man functions as a tool, procreating and planting his seed with ease. The orgasm of a woman is a higher biological function, which has more to do with pleasure than procreation. To pleasure a woman, one needs to exercise more than his groin. One needs to exercise his brain, be creative, be attentive, be all of those things that unlocks the brain from the gridlock of monotony. As a consequence, through the incentive of body pleasure, a woman’s orgasm unlocks the capabilities of the mind.

Make slow, meticulous, thought-provoking sex, the key to the evolution of the human brain.

Nos vemos en el otro lado!


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